Motherhood?

It was the most exciting day of my pregnancy. The day I had waited for since I found out I was pregnant. The day we would find out the sex of our baby.

The topic had been the main discussion in our household for weeks. We had names picked out for each sex. We had plans for what we would do if we were blessed with a boy, or a girl. And secretly we each had our hearts set on one or the other.

As the ultra sound tech slid her wand over my slimy belly, looking for the right body part, I leaned up on one arm. This is it I thought, this is when we find out. The ultrasound tech stopped, tapped a few keys on the her keyboard and before she could open her mouth I said, “IT’S A GRIL!” She turned to me surprised. “Most people can’t tell that quickly, but yes, you’re right, it’s a girl.” Really it wasn’t that hard to spot. If you look at the picture you can tell, it’s defiantly a girl. “Welcome to our family Madelynn Renee’ Whitely,” I thought as the ultrasound continued.

As Jesse and I walked home from the hospital it slowly began to sink in, we were going to be proud parents of a beautiful daughter. Jesse immediately began listing “girl” sports that she could play. Soccer, tennis, volleyball, swimming, maybe even softball. I smiled, this was going to fun.

But as I lay in bed that night, it suddenly didn’t seem so fun. A girl, I was going to have to raise a girl. I was a girl once, I know what it was like, and don’t want to do it again! Girls take so much energy, they are so needy and demand so much. How was I going to handle this? I thought little of the baby that would soon be joining our family, but the young woman I would eventually launch into the real world. How was I to teach her to be kind and compassionate, yet be able to speak up for herself? How could I tell her to love the person she sees in the mirror without becoming conceited? How can I tell her that her education is the most important asset she will ever acquire, when I don’t have one myself? How will I equip her with the right tools for eternity with out turning her away from the very God that created her? How can I let her know that she can do anything she wants to, but family comes first, and only she can find that balance? How will we make it through the teenage years when her brain is full boys and boobies and status? How will I let her know that it won’t last? That life does exist out of high school. I want her to be successful and strong, yet balanced with love and devotion. Are my wishes to high? Will I be able to teach her, to guide her, to love her into a capable adult? I must have drifted off to sleep, but when I woke in the morning the nagging worries still hung over my head. I tried to make since of them, to calm my fears and tell myself that it was all going to be ok. I thought of the things that I could do for her, the skills I could equip her with and came up with a rather short list. But there was one thing that topped my list. I could LOVE her. I can love my baby so she feels so secure and safe and that she belongs in our family. I can love my toddler so she feels adventuress and confidant. I can love my preschooler so she can feel free to explore and play. I can love my school aged girl so can know that she’s doing her best, what ever that may be. And I can love my high schooler. I can lover her and show her that she will always have a place in our home and in my heart.

I will make mistakes and there may be flaws in my daughter. But I will not be guilty of not giving my child enough love to last through the changes that life will bring each of us. And for now I must trust that Love is enough.